Conscious Life For Better Body Image

Apr 5

This may be a sensitive topic for some individuals. If you struggle with severe body image issues, disordered eating behaviours or any other severe mental health issues, please always consult with your health care provider who is specialised in this issues.

The positive trend during the past few years has been that we have started to celebrate more and more all kinds of physiques and recognise that every body is a good body - whatever its age, gender, abilities or shape - even in the fashion world. Despite all these positive changes and efforts, in the modern materialistic world we can be easily conditioned to believe that we need to look a certain way in order to be happy, and if we don’t fit the unrealistic standards, there must be something wrong and we need to “fix” it.

If you explored your entire body with a microscope, you would always find something that “needs to be fixed”. Crooked teeth, flat chest, flabby thighs, cellulite, stretch marks, too muscular, thin hair or no hair, double chin - there’s always something we could worry about. Our bodies change and go through transformations throughout our lives - that’s inevitable. This is not to say that we shouldn’t pay any attention to our physical appearance. There is nothing wrong that you like to look pretty - it’s part of our nature and can be part of your self-care routine. But when things are taken to the other extreme and your appearance is all you can think about, that’s a clear sign things aren’t right and you should seek professional help.

Body Image

Body image can be defined as how an individual sees their own body and how attractive they feel themselves to be. Body image is not only what we see in the mirror but also various beliefs, experiences, and generalizations contribute to it. Our body image can range from positive, or satisfaction with our body, to negative, or to dissatisfaction with our body. When you have a positive body image, you understand that your sense of self-worth does not depend on your appearance. A negative body image can make us believe we don’t deserve to be loved or even to be looked at. In more severe cases it can lead to shyness, social anxiety, depression and other mental health issues, such as body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), and eating disorders. Individuals with a negative body image may start to avoid social situations since they no longer feel comfortable to be seen in public or even one to one with anyone. They don’t want to be seen, touched, or receive love. As a result, they can become prisoners in their own bodies haunted by obsessive thoughts and self-disgust.

Body image issues can stem from various sources and beauty ideals that are shared in our society, media, popular culture, and social media. However, there are often many other significant factors behind more extreme body image issues such as genetics, traumatic experiences (e.g. sexual abuse, bullying, or rejection), transitionary periods in life (e.g. pregnancy or divorce), discrimination (based on “categories” like race, size, ability, gender orientation), illnesses, and accidents.

We often think that women suffer but men certainly suffer too. They just don’t tend to make as much noise as women and thus, struggle silently. There’s still stigma and strong stereotypes around body images issues and eating disorders. There’s cultural pressure and ideals about masculinity. Among men body image issues often show in different ways, like focusing more on muscularity and leanness - instead of thinness. Body image issues can ruin anyone’s life: young and old, women and men and everything between and beyond.

The Imbalance Between Feminine And Masculine Energy

Many of us feel disconnected from our physical bodies as well as from our intuition. This is not surprising given we live in a world biased toward masculine qualities and pursuit, which creates imbalances everywhere in our life - including our relationship with our own body and our relationships with others. To have harmonious life on Earth we want to have both energies - feminine and masculine - because they together create this beautiful union that makes us human and holy. They are like day and night, or light and dark, or inhale and exhale. These energies are in every single one of us and everywhere in nature - they are beyond gender. Especially women seem to struggle in this masculine world where we are required to express masculine qualities in order to “succeed” in life, and of course this “success” is often defined in a very masculine way.

Masculine energy has the following characteristics: external, dominating, rational, objective, individual, hard, linear, action-oriented, analytical, competitive, doing, rigid. Whereas feminine energy can be described as being internal, nurturing, collective, feeling, creative, collaborative, intuitive, imagination, empathetic, emotional, being, stillness. Neither the feminine nor the masculine is greater or weaker than the other. They both become powerful when fully expressed.

As we start to live our adult life we tend to become very stiff and very formal in everything we do - and completely forget to cultivate the beginner’s mind to approach life with curiosity. Everything is supposed to be so rational, measurable and “based on science” (even if it was corrupted). Forget the intuition and gut feelings! We can easily start to have strange self-imposed limitations that prevent us from creative expression, joy and freedom in all areas of life. We shame our bodies and are scared to move freely and joyfully because we are afraid of being judged by others and worried what they think of us.

There was this interesting Sakara Life podcast episode with Hani Avital I listened to the other day, and it reminded me how deeply our body image, sexuality and our relationship with food are all connected. If we don’t feel good in our skin, it becomes a mission impossible to have healthy intimate relationships, and have a healthy relationship with food. Negative body image can certainly ruin our confidence. When it comes to romantic relationships, low confidence is the biggest turn on, and similarly, neediness and lack of confidence are among the biggest turn-offs. This is something the psychotherapist Esther Perel talks about often in her interviews. I highly recommend reading this blog post on her site as well as reading her books. There are many people who seem to struggle at the same time with their body image and their romantic lives without even realising that behind all of it might be lack of healthy confidence, poor body image and the imbalance between their feminine and masculine energy.

Action Steps To Improve Body Image

We need a healthy level of confidence to thrive in life. I recommend incorporating the following ideas to your life as your new self-care practices. And as you do so you will soon feel much, much better mentally, physically, and spiritually!

Joyful Movement

We can all hugely benefit from physical activity. Our bodies are meant to move. The right type of physical activity can teach us to listen to our bodies and learn to trust it. Eventually, you’ll have sense of connection to your own body, which will help you to have healthy level of confidence. During those phases in my life when I have felt stuck, the best tool to unlock creativity and bring joy to my life has been rhythmic movement whether that’s dance or vinyasa flow or something else where I can move my body without strict rules.

Choose something enjoyable and individually appropriate instead of focusing on strict fitness plans and weight-loss goals. And if you have tendency towards addictions, better to step away from fitness trackers! If you feel uncomfortable in front of mirrors, try yoga! Many yoga studios don’t have mirrors, and during the class the focus is on breathing and being present in the moment. Or try something else, like walking in nature, team sports, dancing, or find a personal trainer or take classes privately with a teacher who shares your values. If you are a beginner, remember that we all have been there! As long as you are patient and consistent with your routines, you will see improvements and that helps to improve your confidence too. Work with your body, not against it.

Balanced Eating Habits

Once you start nourishing yourself consistently, honour your hunger, and not restrict, your weight will find its set range and stay there effortlessly. If you struggle with emotional eating or disordered eating behaviours remember that these are not the root problem. This is a sign of an imbalance in other areas of life or a sign of not nourishing your body adequately. The most important thing is to figure out what you are actually craving beyond food. Are you not spending enough time in your physical body and moving? Are your hungry for love and touch? Or may be your life is in chaos and feels unsafe. Typically these people are sensitive individuals who struggle processing their emotional reactions to their internal and external worlds.

We also should not forget the fact that most of the foods that people binge are manufactured to be highly addictive by the genius food industry. Therefore, it’s not only about lack of willpower. Ultra-processed foods are made of processed flours, sugar and cheap inflammatory vegetable oils and spiced up with all kinds of weird chemicals. They provide zero nourishment for our bodies and never fully satisfy us. Consequently, we keep on eating more and more, and end up being overfed but undernourished. Among many brilliant minds Michael Moss has talked and written books about the sickness of our food industry and how its affects on our health.

Simple tips for balanced eating

Eat in a calm environment without distractions! Enjoy the taste, smell and colour of your food.
Eat real foods! Regardless of your bio-individual needs, choose real unprocessed foods! Avoid ultra-processed fake foods such as fake meats, highly processed protein powders, and all kinds of weird sugary bars and juices. Just because something is labeled as organic, healthy, or low-calorie does not guarantee anything. These are often empty promises.
Eat with others! If you don’t know what a healthy portion size looks like mimic what your friends and colleagues do (unless they engage in disordered eating behaviours!). If you don’t have this opportunity, eat with an intention of being in full view of others
Avoid restrictive diets! As human beings we tend to desire more those things that we can’t get or don’t allow to ourselves. Moreover, feeling deprived and hungry messes up with our natural hunger signals. Your lizard brain cannot make a difference between purposeful dieting and famine.

This does not mean that you should never have a piece cake. We need to celebrate and enjoy life so that we can keep our sanity!

Limit Your Social Media

Like many, you may have become addicted to your phone and all kinds of apps, and thus, it’s time for a digital detox! Once you have gone through your withdrawal symptoms, you will feel so much better, sleep better, have better posture and feel less anxious. To make it happen, do the following: remove all non-essential apps, limit your screen time, unfollow triggering websites and accounts, keep your phone out of your reach when you are supposed to focus, and have phone-free space and time every day - especially in the morning and at night.

Practise Mindulness

Practise being here and now for a few minutes every day. Observe your thoughts, feelings, and emotions without attachment. Over time you will notice that they are only feelings, thoughts, and emotions - not concrete reality.

Surround Yourself With Positive Individuals

Have friends around you who have a positive outlook and who are not obsessed with their bodies, and who are passionate, inspiring and working on projects that create real value on this planet.

Positive and Empowering Self-talk

Positive-self talk can easily improve your confidence and help you stay motivated towards your goals. When you are learning something new and challenging, instead of saying, “I cannot do this” say, “I am not able to do that yet”. This is a simple tip I learned from one of my dance instructors but it works every time and helps me to stay consistent with my training and be patient. The same goes with our body parts. Choose positive words like “My legs are strong” rather than “My thighs are flabby”.

Wear Clothes for Your Body Shape and Size

Choose clothes that make you feel comfortable and aren’t too tight or way too loose. Forget size labels since they vary from store to store anyway, and it’s only you who knows the numeric tag you happen to wear. And if it bothers you, remove it. After all, you are not a number! Instead of buying all kinds of cheap and crappy clothes that you wear once, choose a few timeless, higher-quality items to your wardrobe that are flattering and easy to mix and match. In the long-term you are more likely to save money too! Like I said, our bodies change. For instance, once I started practising yoga regularly, I had to donate some of my old blazers and platform heels to charity because my shoulders and feet became wider. This is nothing to be sad about because I’m super glad to be stronger now.

Shift Your Focus

It’s more important to live by your values, have friends you can trust, and contribute to the world in a meaningful way instead of obsessing over your body parts. Our bodies come and go. Appreciate how your body serves you everyday: how it helps you to breathe, laugh, dance and create beautiful things. Recognise that the physical expression is not the most important thing. Ask yourself, what is your purpose in life and how you could genuinely serve others on this planet.

Remember the healing journey is often slow and gradual - two steps forward, one step back -kind of thing!

Lots of Love!

RESOURCES:

Articles:

Chopra: How To Find The Balance Between Your Masculine & Feminine Energy

Vogue: What’s Changing - and What Isn’t - About Fashion’s Relationship to the Body? By Maya Singer

In Long-Term Relationship, When Do You Find Yourself Most Drawn to Your Partner?

Books:

Hooked: Food, Free Will, And How The Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions By Michael Moss

The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel

Podcasts:

Diet Doctor Podcast: Ep. 73: Processed Food Addiction Michael Moss